Weekendcoffeeshare: I’m forgetting my pills, but I’m happy all the time

If we were having coffee right now I’d say “Sorry about the mess, I didn’t have time to clean up lately”. My house is kind of a mess, but in this mess I can find everything I need. Except for a rubber. I was drawing before and I could have used a rubber so badly. I don’t know where it is.
Anyways, you know, I’ve been doing fine lately. I’m forgetting my meds, but that’s not an issue, I feel good: I’m staring to feel again. I’ve been keeping emotions away from me for a long long time, and now everything looks new and fresh. Also a bit scary.
When you push emotions away from you, you find yourself in a glass bubble. You can just look at the world from inside, but you cannot touch it, you cannot feel it. It’s both a protection and a damnation.
Eventually my bubble cracked, maybe it’s breaking, and now I’m starting to feel again. Feelings are weird, sometimes they are so distinct and paricular they look just like persons, each and every one with their own traits, some other times they just hit me and… well I can’t really do much about that. I feel them.
I got this feeling now, it’s warm and cozy, and I’m keeping it safe near me in the bubble -or what’s left of it- and I look at it, I study it: I want to see if it will grow, or shrink, or if it will hurt me, you know. And I’m happy it is there. It makes my days brighter, even if it feels so surreal.

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